This past month (and a half)...

So, I apologize to any of you who have been checking for happenings in the Fullen home to find... NO POSTS for the past month!!!  What can I say... it's been a busy month.  I've thought often of posting, but honestly have found these 25 little delights that I teach everyday and the ONE inside me making me more and more tired....Zzzzzz 

After putting grades in all day (usually when I'm AT my computer & wish I could blog instead) and coming home exhausted to chores or if it's a lucky day, an early night with Shaun (YAY!)d, I don't even think of turning the computer on!  I'll try to be better, really!  So what's been happening?  I'll try to fill in the blanks:

LENT:
It was a prayerful Lent, but I realized toward the end (as I always do), how much I need to grow in holiness and how much Our Lord loves me... deeply.  Shaun & I made it through without breaking our TV fast (ok, we did on Sunday's but that was it) and praying practically every morning and night together, going to Mass more frequently at our new parish (which had a lovely evening mass and we were often actually able to go together) and trying our best to offer our days back to Him.  I realized once again the many ways I need to love Jesus more, but find this year that I have tremendous gratitude for His unconditional love for me and patience as I slowly grow.  I also find my motivation to grow spiritiually to be spurred more by love and less by "obligation", so that what I do is more ...heartfelt... even if I don't feel much.  Shaun is steadily growing and always an inspiration to me.  It's definitely a shift to realize that now I'm responsible for helping another person (not just myself) to get to heaven.  THAT is something I need to work on.  I feel like Shaun is the one waking me up to pray in the morning and happily pulling me along to Mass or say a rosary.  He LOVES Jesus and Mary SO much (and I hear him tell them often)... *sigh* thank God for him, but I just hope I can become the wife he deserves for he's such a good man.

EASTER:
We had a beautiful Easter this year!  Celebrated with Shaun's Mom and family at her home on the Saturday before and enjoyed watching all the little ones crawling into my lap and going a great Easter egg hunt prepared intricately by her (despite the rain). 

I think this was the day that we first fell in love with our child's name.  Someone must have said it when everyone was throwing out "name suggestions" and we looked at each other from across the room and both loved it!

On Easter morning it was so beautiful to come to the church all decorated with gorgeous lilies and hydrangeas with the cross covered in beautiful flowers. 

I welled up a few times meditating on the gift of new life... not only in the Risen Christ, "whose love endures forever" but also inside me... given to me by that same Lord. 

I held my husband's hand and prayed in gratitude for the gift of my family and this "springtime" in my life.

We returned to the house to a lovely Easter Brunch of Ham & Quiche, Baby Carrots with Cranberries and brown sugar, Sauteed Asparagus with garlic, Crepe Suzettes and Lemon Meringue Pie "mmmmm...." accompanied by Mimosas (I had cranberry-orange juice in a great big wine glass) and great company!!!  It was such a lovely day!

MAY:
This brings us into not only the Easter Season, but the Lovely month of "May"... ie: "Mary's Month".  I really enjoy this time of the year and teaching all my little ones about our "Queen of the May".  It was beautiful to see our parish May Crowning done in such a simple humble way that I'm sure made Our Lady smile.  Hopefully one day, our little one can participate in such an event

During the month of May we have also been able to see Shaun's nephew, Samuel recieve his First Holy Communion

(as you can see from this picture at the party, I'm getting Huge... but Happy... with the Hubby!)

A few days after Sam's 1st Communion, we headed back to Worscester for his nephew Martin's confirmation (for which Shaun was the sponsor).  Here's a few photos:

FINANCES:
We've also been trying to take advantage of the low interest rates and refinance, so we've been busy with appointments, number crunching and appraisals.  I'm NOT a "number" person, but... must say that I've learned a LOT and it's amazing how God gives you the sacramental grace (even in your weak areas) to help your family.  Hopefully we'll be able to really pay our Mortgage down MUCH sooner without as much strain on us financially. 

I'm so happy to be staying home next year (and however many years following), but must admit a little secret.  I worry about being too much of a "financial burden" when I'm not working.  I know I shouldn't worry, because I totally trust God and Shaun, but being independant and on my own for so long, I'm just not used to depending on another to take care of my needs.  This is really humbling for me, so it's actually a good thing... just... different.  I remember what Shaun always says "God commands us to pray... but forbids us to worry" and it's then that I'm sure we'll do fine.  This has enabled us to communicate more about financial matters and make decisions together which in itself has brought us closer.

 

SCHOOL:
We're rounding up the year and coming to a close and with the last month rolling quickly by, I must say even with Spring Fever, I'm SO proud of where the kids I teach have come and feeling bittersweet about this being my last class.  Thank God they were a GREAT one!  25-3 year olds every day leave me pretty tired at the end of it all, but have taught me SO much about getting ready to be a Mom myself. 

THE HUBBY:
Working hard every day, taking time to go to basketball and softball games and practices, out for "father-daughter dinner dates" & help Cheyanne with homework he's out early and home late.  He's also healing up since his surgery & goes to physical therapy at least twice a week.  He seems to be getting better and better for sure (but slowly...)  Keep up the prayers and I'm sure he'll be ready to hold our little girl when the time comes.

AND... the NEWS you've all been waiting for... (drum roll please) IT's A...???
So... for those of you who haven't heard, Mother's Day weekend Shaun & I found out what we're having!!!

As you all know, I originally did not want to find out until the delivery, but Shaun was practically coming out of his skin. 
 

On Wednesday the 4th of May, we went for our 18 week Ultrasound. 

Our silly baby was sitting on her head with her legs "criss cross applesauce" in the air (memories of her mother hanging upside down on the couch with my head on the floor reading a book as a child came flooding back to me... the things our children inherit!) 

The Ultrasound tech wrote the results on a piece of paper and sealed the envelope.  I asked "how sure" she was and she replied, "Well... let me just say that I wouldn't be writing it down if I wasn't sure".  We walked out and stuck the envelope in the visor of my car and went out for dinner.

There the envelope stayed for the next few days.

I then dropped the envelope off to the baker who would be making Shaun's birthday cake & asked them to put pink frosting inside if it was a girl

and blue if the results said it was a boy. 

 

On Saturday evening we all gathered for a birthday gathering of family members and some of our closest friends.  It was a wonderful time with children everywhere and happy sounds flooding the house.  When it came time to sing "Happy Birthday" and cut the cake everything stopped and everyone leaned in close with cameras and phones poised and ready...


It's a....GIRL!!!!  We exclaimed as we saw the PINK frosting. 


Shouts of happiness filled the air and cameras started clicking!  My Mom had brought me Pink roses "from the baby" for Mother's Day and my mother-in-law had already bought a pink sleeper outfit (so cute) and brought it out right away. 


What a beautiful time to find out while both celebrating Shaun's birthday AND Mother's day.  We're SO excited.  Though we would have been happy with either a boy OR a girl (or both) ...Shaun has a soft spot for little girls and it's so nice to be able to use her name.  Shaun's daughter, Cheyanne seemed excited to know she's getting a little sister when we called her and immediately said, "Oh!  NOW I can help Marijanna go shopping!!!" 

YESTERDAY... I went for another Ultrasound (they couldn't get all the pictures and measurements they needed at the 18 week one) and got to see "Ava" putting on a show!  Here are some pictures of the Ultrasound pictures.

Please pray for us during this happy time and know how much we appreciate all the support we have been recieving from all of you.  You have made this time SO special.  I feel like I'm bringing her into on big family with LOTS of auntie's and uncles to shower her with love.  Can't wait to meet her!

A Baby Girl!!! 

In honor of our Blessed Mother, "Ava Marie Fullen" will be her name...

(although if we have some great desire to change it... we still can!)

These are a few of my favorite things!

I've been happily thinking of Julie Andrew's little song to her children on the Sound of Music

and thought I'd put a few of my own here (includes some pregnancy cravings...)

Lilacs and Tulips... remind me of Nana

(She liked Yellow)

Fruit Salad in a big bowl, (no banana... ugh mushy)

Old Couples in love

Young children skipping

Rainy days...

or.. SUNNY days

Daffodils in Spriiing!!!

then there's Ice Cream ("Totally Turtle")

actually ANY Ice Cream

mmm....

Any kind I've haaaad...

I simply remember my favorite things...

and then I don't feel SOOOOO Baaaad!!!

Ok... off to Country Whip!

14 Weeks and counting...

Wow!  Boy am I happy Fr. Landry's going to forgive me... what a guy!  Thank goodness!

"Moving on"... This week I find myself 14 (plus) weeks pregnant and my kids at school love to comment on how "your belly's getting bigger" and "how's the baby?"  Though I have a little cold and the fatigue has lifted, I still find the need to take naps (I LOVE naps), everything's going really well and right on target for those of you who are wondering.  Yay!

The baby's the size of a LEMON

or some information says a "Clenched Fist"

(but I look at my hands and think... WOW!  That's really big... you sure?!). 

...AND baby Fullen can clench his/her tiny fist now!...

(this cool image is actually a 3D ultrasound of a baby's fist in utero at 14 weeks)

but overall about 3 1/2 to 4" at this point.

This week the baby will begin to grow some hair

as well as form eyelids, and finish forming fingernails and toenails. Some places say I may even be able to feel our baby moving inside of me this week!  (THAT would be cool... can't wait... but I hear for a first pregnancy it might take more time)

Shaun & I went on Monday to hear the baby's heartbeat. 

When I went at 12 weeks, he wasn't able to come with me and if you remember I wasn't able to hear it on the other machine, so was asked to come back 2 weeks later.  I'm glad I did because Shaun was able to come this time and as soon as my midwife put the machine on my belly we were able to hear that Bumpa Bumpa Bumpa Bump!!!  I loved seeing his face light up and say, COOL!  It was pretty cool!!!

I cannot believe that in less than a month we'll be able to get our 18 week Ultrasound (just one week before Shaun's birthday!  What a gift for him to learn what we're having ...yup.  I'm caving) 

This will also be the time we'll definitely be able to feel the baby move and all sorts of amazing things will start happening (as if they're not already).  The baby will be able to HEAR at this point and I'll be able to start reading Stories and singing to him or her.  So exciting.  Who KNOWS what affect this could have...

Today I was talking to a friend and wondering "What" or "Who" this baby will be someday.... 

God has called this little one to be formed to come into the world at just this time... for something.  I feel SO blessed to be able to share in this process of forming and helping to raise this child. 

Every night Shaun & I pray for this baby to be healthy and for us the best parents we can be.  Though I take care of children everyday and Shaun has been a loving father for over 13 years, it's amazing when it's beginning again.  I would be so appreciative if you would please join us in prayer for our little one that God will continue to bless this pregnancy and protect him/her from anything that would cause harm.

I've been thinking that I'd like to get back to what I originally intended and began to do at the beginning of my pregnancy... write letters to the baby.  I had a friend that did that before and remember thinking how much I loved that idea because someday this child would know that they were always loved even before they were born.

...oh, and on one last note ...for all those who have been so loving and supportive to us?  We can't WAIT for our little one to meet you wonderful people!!!

Let's give em' something to talk about...

I've always loved this picture and the thought of how many difficulties Mary & Joseph had to endure to keep their family safe and do God's will even if nobody understood. 

So... Shaun and I have been very unhappy in our parish (pastor) for a long time and decided during our marriage prep and afterwards to kick the prayers up a notch and really pray if this was where we were supposed to raise our family.  We are NOT alone in our grievances and up until now have tried to be as charitable as possible in our response to people, telling them it is "for personal reasons" (Six and a half YEARS of personal reasons).  Well, as of late (after seeking guidance from a number of others that we felt would help us to discern if our motivations were misguided or not) we found a parish that we like very much and a Pastor who's really a gem.  Out of mere "politeness" I decided not to rehash the million and one reasons for our departure and although everything in me told me to just leave and slip out quietly as confronting our former pastor would do no good, I felt that out of courtesy, I should inform our old pastor of our leaving.  He never has the time of day for us even when I'm cantoring the Masses or volunteering at the parish and has mentioned on several occasions that the best and easiest way to contact him was through email... so I did.  I sent this little letter, and decided to leave out all of the major reasons for our decision and just "inform" him instead:

On Apr 1, 2011, at 8:33 PM, Marijanna Lokitis wrote:

Dear Fr. Landry,

Peace!  After prayerful discernment, Shaun and I have decided for personal reasons to leave St. Anthony's.  We've been praying about this for some time.  I wanted to inform you as I'm sure you'll notice the change to the cantor schedule and assumed you would no longer be interested in having me cantor if I'm no longer a parishioner.  Thank you for your continued prayers for us.

In Christ,

Marijanna

...well after days of no reply and not going out of his way at all to connect with either Shaun or I as we volunteered at this weekend's Pancake Breakfast run by the Knights of Columbus at our former parish, I was not surprised, but left it as it was.  Then today I opened my email and saw that I finally had recieved a reply days later.  The response is as follows:


From: Fr. Roger J. Landry
Date: Apr 5, 2011 2:57 PM
Subject: Re: Leaving Parish
To: Marijanna Lokitis <marijannalokitis@yahoo.com>
Dear Marijanna

Your email implies, by your mentioning your praying for discernment for some time, that God is suggesting or commanding you to leave the parish. While God clearly does call people to move (e.g., Abraham), it's a rare thing that he calls people to switch parishes, and I would guess that in your case he's probably not. 

If in your discernment you thought you heard the same voice suggesting that the appropriate way to communicate your leaving would be by email or that God preferred that you cancel a commitment to cantor the 4 pm Mass here at 8:45 the night before (I actually informed the organist who made the schedule the previous week and was not informed that I was scheduled anyway, but out of courtesy wrote again to make sure the organist knew I had a family commitment.  Somehow this became my fault) in order to have more time to hang out with Cheyenne (this is Shaun's daughter) — so that there would be no cantor at the Mass celebrated — I'd be on much firm theological and pastoral grounds in saying that such suggestions almost certainly would not be coming from above. 

I'd encourage you to remember that even in prayer, the devil can deceive us. When he does, he tries to lead us from one bad decision to another, to foresake relationships, commitments, and other goods intended by God by suggesting to us seemingly justifiable but ultimately mistaken rationalized justifications — apparent goods. 

I say this because there's a lot of talk going around the community by people who know you that, if true, would clearly show in your decision to leave the parish  the devil's draw play. I am pretty oblivious to this stuff and found it incredible at first but, over time, it's become more plausible, and might suggest a diabolical, not a divine, context for your present decision to withdraw. 

Several people said you seemed to be showing at your wedding. I didn't notice a thing, even after others mentioned it. Others when you sent out ultrasounds said that they had never heard of ultrasounds showing babies the way yours was showing fewer than seven weeks after pregnancy. My reaction was, in the face of others' calling me naive, that the technology must be getting better. Then a couple of mothers started wondering whether you were carrying sextuplets because of how much you're showing. 

Let me get to the point: If you happened to conceive a child before you were married and you think that withdrawing from your parish will be a way to eliminate a possibility of scandal to others or dealing with any shame yourself, please know that not only it would really be too late for that but that also the devil would be trying to use your fear of causing scandal or of dealing with shame to reel you into a continued pattern of deceptions rather than living in the light and the truth. He'll use such pretensions to destroy the trust others have for you, undermine the vertical and horizontal bonds you have with others, and finally seek to cut you off so that you can be his.  

If all the rumors and innuendo are totally baseless — the real or another ploy of the father of lies — please know that your withdrawing from the parish will nevertheless only exacerbate them, because people will be wondering the real reason for your departure. (see below) The only thing that would probably put the rumors to rest would be your giving birth to a child around Labor Day. 

My prayers for all three of you. Please know you're welcome here if you discern that what you heard in prayer was not in truth the Lord's voice. 

In Christ,

Fr. Landry

Fr. Roger J. Landry

I was debating whether to post this here, but feel that if such rumors are circulating (as I'm sure they are... and Fr. Landry has so generously and gently informed me) it's best I dispel them myself... without shame.

Shaun and I concieved during our honeymoon and not before for a REASON.  If we had struggled with chastity to the point where I had fallen and concieved beforehand... I would have had to "practice what I preach" and accept this child and challenge as a gift from God and opportunity to humble myself in walking in my faith even when it was difficult.  As it is, we were blessed right off the bat in our marriage... thank you Lord!

I did start showing early and went to my midwife right away to see if we were expecting multiples (which we would have accepted gratefully... even had they been sextuplets).  We were not and my midwife was not concerned.  We went for a 10 1/2 week ultrasound (not less than 7 as is implied here, but even if we had, a baby would still have been visible) and that is the image I happily shared with the world.  I didn't have morning sickness (another blessing) so my body absorbed every calorie and held onto it.  The one time in my life I will be happy to be "HUGE" (even in the face of the tactless people who feel no reason to restrain their lips in telling me I look so)

Shaun & I are expecting baby Fullen on October 4th, 2011.  

I am certain that those who know me will not be wavered in their confidence in me... and even if they ever do, I am who I am before God.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.

For those who are interested in joining me at our NEW parish and celebrating with us in our happiness there.  You can follow the progress and the growth of my abdomen by sitting beside us in Mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Help on North Front Street, New Bedford.  Beware, though... homilies there are sure to inspire hope, and love and a desire to grow in holiness as opposed to depression and dejection and a feeling of worthlessness... if you want that kind of a homily... St. Anthony's is right down the street.

As for your questions, comments, concerns or desire to get to the bottom of any "rumors" you may have heard circulating... feel free to let loose here.