I've always loved this picture and the thought of how many difficulties Mary & Joseph had to endure to keep their family safe and do God's will even if nobody understood.
On Apr 1, 2011, at 8:33 PM, Marijanna Lokitis wrote:
Dear Fr. Landry,
Peace! After prayerful discernment, Shaun and I have decided for personal reasons to leave St. Anthony's. We've been praying about this for some time. I wanted to inform you as I'm sure you'll notice the change to the cantor schedule and assumed you would no longer be interested in having me cantor if I'm no longer a parishioner. Thank you for your continued prayers for us.
In Christ,
Marijanna
...well after days of no reply and not going out of his way at all to connect with either Shaun or I as we volunteered at this weekend's Pancake Breakfast run by the Knights of Columbus at our former parish, I was not surprised, but left it as it was. Then today I opened my email and saw that I finally had recieved a reply days later. The response is as follows:
From: Fr. Roger J. Landry
Date: Apr 5, 2011 2:57 PM
Subject: Re: Leaving Parish
To: Marijanna Lokitis <marijannalokitis@yahoo.com>
Dear Marijanna
Your email implies, by your mentioning your praying for discernment for some time, that God is suggesting or commanding you to leave the parish. While God clearly does call people to move (e.g., Abraham), it's a rare thing that he calls people to switch parishes, and I would guess that in your case he's probably not.
If in your discernment you thought you heard the same voice suggesting that the appropriate way to communicate your leaving would be by email or that God preferred that you cancel a commitment to cantor the 4 pm Mass here at 8:45 the night before (I actually informed the organist who made the schedule the previous week and was not informed that I was scheduled anyway, but out of courtesy wrote again to make sure the organist knew I had a family commitment. Somehow this became my fault) in order to have more time to hang out with Cheyenne (this is Shaun's daughter) — so that there would be no cantor at the Mass celebrated — I'd be on much firm theological and pastoral grounds in saying that such suggestions almost certainly would not be coming from above.
I'd encourage you to remember that even in prayer, the devil can deceive us. When he does, he tries to lead us from one bad decision to another, to foresake relationships, commitments, and other goods intended by God by suggesting to us seemingly justifiable but ultimately mistaken rationalized justifications — apparent goods.
I say this because there's a lot of talk going around the community by people who know you that, if true, would clearly show in your decision to leave the parish the devil's draw play. I am pretty oblivious to this stuff and found it incredible at first but, over time, it's become more plausible, and might suggest a diabolical, not a divine, context for your present decision to withdraw.
Several people said you seemed to be showing at your wedding. I didn't notice a thing, even after others mentioned it. Others when you sent out ultrasounds said that they had never heard of ultrasounds showing babies the way yours was showing fewer than seven weeks after pregnancy. My reaction was, in the face of others' calling me naive, that the technology must be getting better. Then a couple of mothers started wondering whether you were carrying sextuplets because of how much you're showing.
Let me get to the point: If you happened to conceive a child before you were married and you think that withdrawing from your parish will be a way to eliminate a possibility of scandal to others or dealing with any shame yourself, please know that not only it would really be too late for that but that also the devil would be trying to use your fear of causing scandal or of dealing with shame to reel you into a continued pattern of deceptions rather than living in the light and the truth. He'll use such pretensions to destroy the trust others have for you, undermine the vertical and horizontal bonds you have with others, and finally seek to cut you off so that you can be his.
If all the rumors and innuendo are totally baseless — the real or another ploy of the father of lies — please know that your withdrawing from the parish will nevertheless only exacerbate them, because people will be wondering the real reason for your departure. (see below) The only thing that would probably put the rumors to rest would be your giving birth to a child around Labor Day.
My prayers for all three of you. Please know you're welcome here if you discern that what you heard in prayer was not in truth the Lord's voice.
In Christ,
Fr. Landry
Fr. Roger J. Landry
I was debating whether to post this here, but feel that if such rumors are circulating (as I'm sure they are... and Fr. Landry has so generously and gently informed me) it's best I dispel them myself... without shame.
Shaun and I concieved during our honeymoon and not before for a REASON. If we had struggled with chastity to the point where I had fallen and concieved beforehand... I would have had to "practice what I preach" and accept this child and challenge as a gift from God and opportunity to humble myself in walking in my faith even when it was difficult. As it is, we were blessed right off the bat in our marriage... thank you Lord!
I did start showing early and went to my midwife right away to see if we were expecting multiples (which we would have accepted gratefully... even had they been sextuplets). We were not and my midwife was not concerned. We went for a 10 1/2 week ultrasound (not less than 7 as is implied here, but even if we had, a baby would still have been visible) and that is the image I happily shared with the world. I didn't have morning sickness (another blessing) so my body absorbed every calorie and held onto it. The one time in my life I will be happy to be "HUGE" (even in the face of the tactless people who feel no reason to restrain their lips in telling me I look so)
Shaun & I are expecting baby Fullen on October 4th, 2011.
I am certain that those who know me will not be wavered in their confidence in me... and even if they ever do, I am who I am before God. Nothing more. Nothing less.
For those who are interested in joining me at our NEW parish and celebrating with us in our happiness there. You can follow the progress and the growth of my abdomen by sitting beside us in Mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Help on North Front Street, New Bedford. Beware, though... homilies there are sure to inspire hope, and love and a desire to grow in holiness as opposed to depression and dejection and a feeling of worthlessness... if you want that kind of a homily... St. Anthony's is right down the street.
As for your questions, comments, concerns or desire to get to the bottom of any "rumors" you may have heard circulating... feel free to let loose here.
This is just sad...on all sides. My prayers are with all of you.
ReplyDeleteDear Fr. Ego,
ReplyDeleteOne hardly knows where to begin when reading your email to Marijanna. The first thought that comes to mind is your totally inappropriate and overly familiar tone with a parishioner, and a newly married woman. This in itself is telling but is hardly scratching the surface of the depths you wind up revealing about yourself throughout this condescending letter at a simple email ( 4 lines long by my counting) telling you one of your parishioners was moving on. She and her husband (though you simply seem to ignore the fact she has a husband once again by your overly familiar tone) state after prayer, not divine revelation as you suggest, she was switching parishes. She never states she’s leaving the Church, or the faith, merely that St. Anthony’s doesn’t seem the place for them any longer.
You take this to mean the diabolical is at work. So, let me get this straight, Marijanna is not capable of discerning God’s work in her life, but YOU ARE! Even in the midst of running a busy parish you know what is best for everyone of your sheep don’t you? Of course! How silly of her to think she and her husband might know what is best for their new family! Goodness, can’t have that can we? And of course, if she was somehow unhappy in her parish for some strange reason, let’s just pull a random example out of the air - for fun- let’s try to imagine that her pastor is a narcissistic misogynist, and she is unhappy with his instability. Might that not be a reason for her to ‘move along’? OR- lets use some other crazy example, let’s say that during her pre-Cana marriage prep work her pastor told her she and her husband should not get married because judging by his standards they’d probably have homosexual children. I know, I know-you probably can’t even imagine a priest who might say something like that right? A priest who acted THAT way would deserve it if his parishioners ran away as soon as they could find a decent parish-right? But maybe you could understand her discomfort- right? If something like this might have happened….
After all, priests should be a good representative of Christ, being a priest and all correct?
That is the idea at least, right? Doesn’t that mean you’re not supposed to listen to chatty church women’s wagging tongues, and petty gossip, right? You’re the guy that is supposed to dispel the gossip and rumor mills.
Yet something doesn’t add up. Why is it when those chatty women shoot their mouth off, you say you never notice, but you can write down every word months later? Wow, how does that work? And then you want us to believe people call you naïve too? Imagine that you a HARVARD man naïve? Wow, that’s one even I never heard before! Of course people do say other things about you…but Christians shouldn’t repeat such nasty comments now should they Father?
Call me crazy but this letter seems to be accurate in one point. You say you’d like to dispel rumors. The real rumors that will float though are not over Marijanna’s growing baby ( and by the way Father, those sonogram pictures actually show the dates of expected babies now-a-days proving the calculations to be most accurate even to a few days of the October 4 date which is a solid month after labor day) but over why you are losing yet another parishioner. I think it speaks more about you then her, isn’t that the real concern? Just be honest Father, its ok. You don’t need to drum up all sorts of ‘pretend rumors’. Your ego is wounded and you feel sad. Boo-hoo, we’re all crying with you.
You know come to think of it you may be right. Perhaps the devil is lurking around here somewhere. But maybe he isn’t in the places you suppose. For certain he does lead us from one bad decision to another as you suggest- like first writing that atrocious email, and then pressing send. For certain you’ll have my prayers. Marijanna and Shaun many blessings on your good decision!
Marijanna again you have succeeded in getting everyone to focus on you...I am so disgusted by this. Fr. Landry has been nothing but great to so many people. I am sorry if you don't feel like he doesn't reach out to you but hey you are one of thousands and he can't speak to everyone personally. He is not perfect but he really has done so much good for this parish. If you don't like the way he is just leave quietly no need to shame him becasue "you don't like him" . He is one of the best Parish priest I have ever met. And Father is so right the devil is at work and he is has now succeeded in shameing a priest, and a good one at that, and making people talk bad of him now. If you don't like the Homily's thats your problem, St. John Vianney spoke like that, St. Alphonsus as well. And don't forget Padre Pio!!! Fr. Clearly meant no harm, it was a personal email and was intended to just warn you of the talk that was going on. And you blew it up, and took it way out of context. And then you post it for all to see!!! You have always had a problem with him and have made it very clear to many, but to do this is shameful and disgusting... Remember "Take log out of thy own eye before you attempt to take the splinter from your brothers." I am sorry if this was harsh but I along with so many others, and I can vouch for them, are wicked upset with the way everything was put out on the world web for all to see only to shame and bring down a Holy Priest. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Also, some of the YG members love you but now you are going to make them make a decision between you and Fr. Landry??? That is even worse these poor kids don't need that, that all love Fr. Landry. The way I stand is this it is St. Anthony's Parish Youth Group. Marijanna is no longer part of the parish and she hates fr. Landry so I don't want her as the head of the Youth Group any longer. If she is I am out and I am confident many others are as well. I choose Fr. Landry and I am going to stand by him through thick and thin.
ReplyDeleteOh my... ummmm... yeah, that's all I've got. Marijanna and Shaun, you deserve the best for you and your family. After reading that response, I'm going to wager that your prayers were, in fact, answered when you decided to switch churches.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to meet baby Fullen next fall ;)
Marijanna and Ellie's letters were beautifully written and to the point. "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem." Kudos to Marijanna, Shaun and Ellie! I am so proud of you!
ReplyDeleteAs an aside, Fr. Landry is missing out on two very fine parishioners and two wonderful examples of Catholic faith. How sad for him!
ReplyDeleteHey, Marijanna, I know how much you must be hurt by all of this, but seeing he wrote you a private email, maybe you could at least remove his name and parish from this public blog? If you want to put your stuff out there publically - that is your call, but I don't think you should do it to others without their permission.
ReplyDeleteSigned,
Shocked and Confused
Hey Marijanna,
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry this happened to you! What you did was the right thing to do. People should know a priest is acting this way. It seems some people care more about the youth group than about you being treated disgracefully. I'm sorry they have been so selfish.
Marijanna,
ReplyDeleteWishing you, Shawn and baby Fullen the best moving forward. However I do object to your posting of private emails on the Blog. I'm not taking sides (I believe both parties share the blame here) I just don't think this was a very good idea to make your private matters public fodder.
I'm sure you would feel the same if your private and very personal messages to someone were broadcast for all to see.
Peace
Hey Marijanna,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I want you to know that I completely believe you and think you are a very good, holy person. When I read what fr. Landry wrote, I detected an overall tone of condescension. I'll pray for you. Hang in there and don't get discouraged.
I would never send a personal email to you. You'd let the whole world read it. Shame on you for sharing this. How embarrassing. Not only does it make the Priest look bad but it makes you look extremely bad (like a fool).
ReplyDeleteI just spoke to Father about all of this and here's what he had to say. (For those who are wondering, yes, I asked him whether I would have the permission to share what he said to me privately with others!). First, he said that his whole concern in the email was that Marijanna would be leaving the parish because of shame or a fear of scandal if she had become pregnant before the wedding. The rumors had been growing among many of the mothers in the parish and he wanted to make sure that, if they were true, she would not think she would need to leave the parish because of them. He said he was surprised that Marijanna had decided to send him an email to announce she's leaving the parish, which he thought was an "uncharacteristically undignified" (that's Father!) way to handle it, especially since Marijanna was a member of the parish council, a cantor, and a youth group leader and never had shown any hesitation in approaching him before to talk even about uncomfortable things. He thought that that could have been another sign that she was embarrassed to speak to him personally, which added to his concerns about whether there might be shame involved. He told me he was very surprised that his email was shared publicly, calling it a violation of trust that he never thought that someone like Marijanna would do. He said that if all that was desired was to respond to rumors about the pregnancy, that could have been done without publishing the private email he sent. I asked him whether he regretted writing the email, and he said no, because he was trying to seek the spiritual good of a parishioner whom he feared was leaving the parish because of rumors, whether true or false. He said that he did regret that by the blog's mentioning the rumors publicly, more people were made aware of them. He also said he regretted that others, in reading the email, might be confused by the tone and would not know how to interpret it, since they would be unaware of the many the frank conversations he and Marijanna have had over the years about her spiritual life. When I asked him what he was thinking about doing about the whole thing and whether he was going to respond, he said that he would do what a priest should do about it: pray, forgive and move on to care for those who still choose to come to St. Anthony's. I thought that others would like to know this information!!
ReplyDeleteAmanda
Dear Marijanna,
ReplyDeleteI read this post yesterday and felt so bad for you. You and Shaun are two of the nicest people we know. Ed and I feel blessed to have you two for friends and hope we can get together again soon. Being pregnant the last thing you need right now is a lot of stress. Ed and I want you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Looking forward to seeing you and Shaun on Sunday and sharing some St. Gianna prayer cards and medals with you!
If you need someone to listen, chat with, or pray with, let me know. I am here for you anytime!
May God Bless you, my friend!
Love,
Ed and Maria in Mass. :)
This goes way deeper than what most of you know about. Do I agree with the e-mail posting, no. I do however completely undertand her and Shauns reason for leaving. I probably would too if put in their shoes. She does not hate Father Landry as I am sure he does not hate her. Pray for both sides involved that they may all see what is Gods will and for forgiveness if they done or said something they should not have.
ReplyDeleteFather Landry is a great priest that takes his vocation very seriously and honestly wants ALL of his parishoners TO GO TO HEAVEN. Sometimes that means saying what may be unpopular or hard to say.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for the both of you-
I have all ways had a hard time with the way people have acted. I'am not a man of faith, But when I see something like Farther Landry has written. It makes what faith I do have that much harder. Read both of these E-mails two or three times. Like the writings in the Bible you should feel what these to people are saying. and who they really are. I truly can't understand a man of the cloth talking this way about someone in his parish like this.Like in politics there is know privacy for a polititian. A priest should have no privacy for what he says. Talk about playing games. people should know the people around them to know they can trust them to see there kindness. I can see, can you
ReplyDeleteBOB
I believe there is more to this story than we know. It is not our business to know either. Many good (and bad) things happen in our lives. God gives us the strength to move on, forgive, and learn from it. This should not be a public announcement for all to know about. Many people want pity on themselves and choose to put things like this on the internet so attention can be drawn to them.
ReplyDeleteAs a parishioner I must admit that I did hear the "chatter" amongst some of the ladies and would have to agree with Father, abruptly leaving would only make the tongues wag even more. You should have at least replied to his email and addressed his misconceptions.
ReplyDeleteIf you had that much of a problem with Father you should have complained to his superiors. Is that not the proper protocol? If treated unfairly in the workplace wouldn't you file a complaint? Or would you just BLOG about that too?
This just looks more like a vendetta, because of the nature of this blog. Lots of sympathetic voices, many of whom probably don't even know Father. All they have are your tales of woe.
Everyone should read this email again without Marijanna's annotations. Read it as it was written, a private message to a person Father believes is in trouble spiritually. You will begin to see Marijanna and Shaun a little less like Mary and Joseph and more like Adam and Eve.
How is this for free speech?
ReplyDeleteYour comment will be visible after approval.
I have heard that people are in shock that we left St. Anthony's parish. Let me ease your minds. We are living in Swansea, Mass for personel reasons that have nothing to do with Fr. Landry or St. Anthony's parish!! I am however, still a member of the family, and now I will put my two cents in for all of i Catholics who are posting unkind things to each other. I am in total shock of what has been said and the judging that is going on from both sides of this issue. I find it absolutely disgraceful that Catholics are going on like this, GOD AND GOD ALONE will be the judge as to who is is or is not correct in this matter. We do not know all the details that would drive either party to say what was said or post what was posted so please remember what you say about either party, YOU SAY TO GOD. Let us all do the Catholic thing and PRAY. I do not feel like either party is asking us to chose a side, we hould be on God's side and we should treat both parties with the dignity and respect GOD demands of us. Can we have an opinion a to who is correct, yes, but our opinion should stay to ourselves or the parties involved. Not plastered all over the internet with unkind comments. GOSSIP is still a MORTAL sin. Fr. Landry, Shaun, and Marijanna I will be praying for you. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteIt is truly sad that people are reading trash like this and that it actually began from the writings off of a priest's pen. There is that old saying they use for computers that I can’t help apply in this situation…”Garbage in-Garbage out”… Perhaps that’s why Father chose that as his response instead of wishing happiness during this wonderful time in a woman’s life. Imagine Our Lady’s feelings on this, as she too could have been viewed disrespectfully even though she didn’t deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI would not have made the despicable response public, but after some reflection, perhaps Father will no longer feel free to victimize other parishioners the way he did to Marijanna.
Father seems very aware of the gossip, quite contrary to his claims of being oblivious to gutter talk. People with good character steer away from this type of behavior for a plethora of reasons. The most obvious, so as not to detract from another’s reputation. In the e-mail, it was apparent Father attempted to make Marijanna feel that her reputation had been compromised and did nothing to make her feel that he was trying to gain her back as a parishioner. (Despite his sending someone else to write on his behalf.) Let’s all pray Father doesn’t continue his egotistical behavior and further seek revenge against Marijanna, as that seems his likely pattern.
Marijanna, I work in a school where half the woman show immediately and the other half look thinner than non-pregnant woman. The people that talk beforehand should be ashamed of themselves and I hope Father decides to keep better company in the future.
Just a question...how many people here can honestly say they know the whole story, front and back, from both perspectives? How many people have heard everything that Marijanna and Fr. Lanrdy have said, and know why they said it? Of you, how many feel you are morally obligated to take sides and defend who you perceive as "in the right"? And again, of you (I think the audience is narrowing down), how many of you are sinless? Oh, nobody? Really?!
ReplyDeleteI KNOW that it isn't my place to judge anyone in this situation. It's a terrible shame that what was a wonderful friendship has gone sour, but alas, I don't know the whole of it. I'm going to spend my time praying for God's will to be realized instead of bickering on and on like some child and attacking peoples' characters based on rumors or accusations or tidbits of a much larger story. When everyone here learns to TRUST GOD instead of CASTING STONES, I think we'll all be humbled and that much better at following His will.
Then again, I'm just some silly spectator. What do I know?
This is in regard to those who have said anything remotely negative about Marijanna and Shaun.
ReplyDeleteI ask you, how would you like it if your parents were told not to have any children because they would become homosexual? huh? How would you like it that the priest of their church and the gossipy, catholic,, church going women were discussing the fact that your mother might be pregnant before getting married?huh? A priest who I am sure would be waiting with bated breath for the baby to be born ahead of time so that the game of GOTCHA could be played. I cannot believe that this couple are the only ones where a negative prediction was made by this priest regarding the future of their children. Imagine how hurtful to sit across from your priest while he spewed such nonsense.
I am glad that Marijanna and Shawn have left this church to seek a priest who is a good representative of Christ.
Years ago what a priesst did or said was kept secretive and we all know that was a bad thing but now this generation brings about everything in the open thru the media and that is a good thing.
Yours in Christ Almighty
I always thought that it was very unchristian to put any merit in conjecture, innuendo or rumor. I thought a priest would be the first one to practice discretion when presented with a rumor and immediately try to dispel any advancement of such rumor and try to nip any furthur tongue wagging in the bud and ask rumor mongers to hold thier tongue rather than furthur spread them and upset the victims of said rumor. Please Fr. Landry learn a lesson from this debacle and learn to keep a deaf ear to people who find joy in others misery.
ReplyDelete"Catholic's Come Home" - more like - "Catholics! Run Home and Hide." Saint Anthony's is never going to gain parishioners this way. To be honest, I'm glad I left. This whole situation is positively Medieval. And if it's not Medieval, then maybe it's just evil. I mean - who actually gossips about women conceiving before marriage anymore. You're lucky if a woman even gets married!
ReplyDeleteI just don't understand. I have two questions:
(1) Why would such a busy man - editor of the Anchor and Pastor of Saint Anthony's - have enough time to meddle in gossip with old ladies.
(2) Did Father Roger really tell Marijanna and Shawn that they are likely to conceive a homosexual child? Are you kidding me?! He is Harvard educated in Biology! It makes absolutely NO sense. I work in the medical field and I can guarantee you that this statement is absurd, delusional, and hurtful. Let's pretend that out of a mere "terrible" coincidence, Marijanna's child grew up exhibiting homosexual behaviors. Who cares!?! That child is just as precious in God's eyes as any other human being on the planet. Like any loving and Catholic mother, Marijanna will raise that child with values.
As a relatively new ex-parishioner of Saint Anthony's, I have my own personal observations and reasons for leaving. The first two years of Father Roger's placement at Saint Anthony's was great. But I think he peeked and after those two years he started getting a little crazy. He really laid it on thick during the homilies. I have never left Church feeling so horrible and guilty in my entire life. Every homily was depressing. And to be completely honest, I questioned my decision to be Catholic. He would preach that it is not good enough to be a "good catholic" but we need to strive to become "holy" and attend mass not just on Sundays - but every day of the week. After listening to his dreary and depressing "lectures" every Sunday, I began to dislike mass. Getting to mass on Sunday was like pulling teeth.
I truly admired Father Roger for many years, even after I left Saint Anthony's. In fact, I felt guilty for leaving - assuming that I wasn't a good enough catholic to endure the psychological damage that occurred during every Sunday's homily. But after reading his email, I feel relieved to have left that Church. I have learned a valuable lesson: There wasn't anything wrong with ME. I also learned that ALL people are sinners: including your priest.
Marijanna and her husband have every right to be upset. I am so happy for her decision to leave St. Anthony's. The whole place is like a cult. Father Roger was clearly in the wrong. May God bless you and your wonderful family, Marijanna! The only thing I have missed about Saint Anthony's was your beautiful cantoring.
Ms. Marijanna,
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe this happened!!!! I want to fly back and defend your honor!!! I may understand this letter from Father, if he's hurt by your leaving, or in his ignorance thought he was "helping" you by letting you know people are talking ill of you (out of touch comes to mind, shouldn't he be asking you if he can help in any way, or telling others to stop spreading gossip?), but those OLD BIDDIES gossiping about you makes my blood boil!!! As if they've never done wrong or always started showing at the "correct" time!!!!
And who are these anonymous?!?! Those that say not to judge and get the whole picture, and yet make judgements? People will defend their loved ones and fight against what is wrong, and according to my judgement, the letters stand alone. The response back from Father was completely inappropriate, especially for his position. But some are right in saying that it is God who will be the judge, and here, Marijanna, I'm glad your ears were open to Him and His guidance. He knows, as do all your friends, that you love Him fully and would not turn from Him in that way! And, I'm sure it is not the correct teaching, but, WHO CARES?!?! A baby is a blessing, and part of God's plan, and I for one, am overjoyed for you!
You anonymous chickens... put your names on it! Be bold and trust you are so right and without fault. "Public" blogs are not the newspaper, and this one is certainly not as bad as the "Gossip corner" of a church social, apparently! And, as another commented, he is a public figure, and e-mails are no more private than a blog or a conversation. You post whatever you want, Marijanna, It's your blog! Hopefully, those disapproving anonymous commenters will find themselves too busy in other business to be in yours on this blog!
Thoughts and Prayers are with you!
Love,
Christina