27 days till delivery...

So now I'm obsessed with counting in "days".  I know she could come 2 weeks early (or even tomorrow for all I know) ...or late.  I'm hoping not late because she's already big... I think... well, ok, maybe not just me.  Everyone thinks. 

I went to my midwife appt tonight and after a particularly difficult night sleeping I found myself feeling "edgy" as the day went on with a lingering headache that wouldn't go away.  Probably the fatigue.  When I feel like this I try to pretty much keep to myself, realizing I probably just need rest and space. 

By the end of the day I went into my midwife appt and burst into tears!  This is SO unlike me, but I think my fatigue and anxiety had built all day long and I knew I had to put together my "birth plan" and took one look at her and said, "I'm not myself today" (enter the waterworks)

(I wasn't this bad... but almost felt like it inside ...hormones GRRRR)

This is such a humbling experience for me being so in touch with my own fears and vulnerabilities.  I've cared for hundreds of children lovingly and confidently and all of a sudden this one little person can make me scared to death.  I am so aware of the responsibility of being a good parent and though billions of women have given birth over the years... somehow my own experience has gotten me tremendously anxious, so when people say "Bet you can't wait now!" ...I'm torn between the excitement of meeting this little person I've grown to love so much and the sadness I'll feel when I don't feel her kicking inside me or playing with her feet or moving around ...this is something I've really grown to love.

*Deep sigh*

After my appointment I came home in time to walk next door to my neighbor's and pray a rosary (She's having her home enthroned).  I needed the strength that comes from Jesus and Mary.  I wondered why it took me so long to "break out the beads" today.  I began to feel a little better.

Then Shaun came home after a long day ...and he was SOoo encouraging.  I am calmer just when he's around!  He's not scared at all.  He's SO ready for her and can't wait to hold her.  His confidence and trust puts me at ease.  He just took me in his arms, kissed me on the forehead, told me how beautiful I was and not to be afraid because "I can do this". 

Thank God for this man I've been given who believes in my strength and yet is such a rock that I feel I do not have carry everything on my own.  He is such a gift to me.